What’s the most cliché love story you can think of? Girl randomly falling in love with a millionaire? OR Girl dumping her fiancée because she fell in love with another guy OR Girl realising the friend is more than that… indeed the last one happened to me.
How the hell did that happen?
From all the cliché of cliché, seriously Alice, your friend became your boyfriend. Just don’t say you met at work and were spending lots of time together, he wanted something more, you didn’t then you moved countries and realised you actually like the guy and he could become more than just an ordinary friend. Yep, it happened exactly like that, THE END.
So that’s the short version for those of you who can’t be bothered reading. The long version goes something like this… just be careful the amount of cliché in this post may seriously harm your sense of sarcasm and irony. Reader discretion is advised.
It was a warm summer evening in July and the company I work for was organising a series of sports events to try out new activities. I signed up for a couple of them. One of those events took place at a rollerblading circuit… This is where I met K. From the whole group he was the only charismatic person with character. No wonder that after the event finished, we stayed longer at the circuit to do more rounds on the rollerblades. From one word to another I invited him to my diving slideshow, which was taking place two days later at a bar in Krakow. He agreed to come. After we were done rollerblading K offered to give me a ride home.
The first date that wasn’t a date
How could I refuse… he just wanted to be nice and helpful, right? Besides, it was already late so catching a bus or tram was close to impossible, and he had a nice sports car… yeah, I know how that sounds.
Obviously, we had to exchange numbers and obviously in those two days till the diving slideshow he had to message me and ofcoz I was either not responding or responding too late. Typical female first stage game.
Day of the diving slideshow, all cool, at some point, those who stayed raised the idea of changing the bar and moving to the party district for some shots. How could I refuse 😀 K was part of the after party. Now guess what happened in the party district after a couple of shots.
Those two pictures don’t require a comment.
Yup, we got drunk and the last people standing – Joan, her boyfriend, K and I came up with the great idea to buy two bottles of vodka and go to my apartment to finish the fabulous evening. Around three or four in the morning I said that I’m done and going to bed… Joan and her boyfriend also looked like they had enough… so did K. However, my drunken mouth spoke faster than my drunken mind could process and suggested that K could stay over but he has to drop all hopes for any action as I’m way too drunk. The morning after… we woke up not with a hangover but still drunk.
Geez, that was a long day. Anyway, the next few days were quite exciting. K and I were hanging out. Wakeboarding here, dinner there. At some point he started to bring me flowers and began mentioning that he’s looking for something more stable. This is when all my alarms and red lights turned on. Said – Dude I’m not the relationship kind. Sex yes, relationship no. OK, fine was the answer.
Couple of weeks later again – ohhh yeah maybe Alice you would consider something more? Answer remained the same – sex yes relationship no. When I heard the same thing for the third time I thought – what’s wrong with the guy? I already said twice NO RELATIONSHIP. Is he immune to words or what? If so, then it’s time to move from words to actions. Sooo I started to behave like a total bitch, thinking maybe this will convince him that I’m not the one. Was hoping for good results however the bitchier I behaved the more time K wanted to spend with me. It looked like my plan had backfired or the guy was some kind of creep. BUT haha! After a couple of days K noticed that something was off and wanted to talk. So, we talked. I was surprised because it was a calm, normal chat where both sides made their point, spoke their opinion, and came to a conclusion.No shouting, screaming, accusations or flying plates. I was crystal clear that I’m not interested in a relationship and K said very honestly that he likes spending time with me. He added that despite me saying no to the relationship , maybe we could still hang out as friends. Friends, no sex benefits. Deep down I knew that he would keep trying but frankly speaking I also like spending time with him as it wasn’t boring. After that chat, the atmosphere became lighter. We were hanging out and doing things together, like going karting, to the cinema or I was randomly calling K asking if he wanted to come over because I made BBQ ribs, and it was way too much for one person. Time was flowing until mid-December 2021 when I received the news that I got a new role and will be moving to Germany by the end of February 2022. At that point K and I started to spend more time together, however I was still repeating like a broken record that I’m not the relationship kind. By saying that I was brutally honest, when I say brutally, I really mean brutally. Example:
K: Oh, I will be so sad when you leave. I enjoy having you around
A: Yes, I know that, but I’m not your girlfriend. There are plenty of fish in the sea, I’m not the only one.
Geez, at that time I was sometimes showing my worst side… and imagine K didn’t give up. The big day of the move came. Somehow I spent my final hours in Krakow with the same gang I was drinking shots and bottles of vodka on that memorable evening in July – Joan, her boyfriend and K. All of them accompanied me to the airport. That was an emotional moment even for me, the queen of ice.
Surprisingly enough, K came to visit me in Dusseldorf two weeks later. That was very unexpected. A month later I went to Krakow for Easter and spent a week with K. And there it was… the relationship discussion again.
K: Alice, maybe you can reconsider the relationship topic. Look, we are a 99% match. The only thing we don’t match is the music taste. You rarely get such a similarity between two people. We like the same things; we have similar tastes and similar approaches to life. We could be very happy together.
A: I said no relationships. I realise what I’m saying is hurtful for you but it’s better you feel sad now and not in two years when I dump you
K: So, you know that wouldn’t work out? How?
A: Yes, I know because I bet that I’ll get bored after two years.
K: Maybe you’re right
And still after that K didn’t give up… what a loser you might think. Dude give up, let it go, she doesn’t want you. He remained patient and persistent.
It may sound masochistic but a month later K came again to Dusseldorf. Hallelujah for remote working conditions. When he was leaving, I actually felt sad and didn’t want him to go – yes that’s sufficient emotions that I can afford. Started thinking… maybe K isn’t that bad after all? He saw my good and my bad side, yeah mostly my bad side… but what about my freedom? I do like to be alone but on the other hand I like having him around… and what about all that shit I experienced with other guys? Sooner or later, they lose interest and it’s a relationship that resembles – together alone. In this situation I did what I do best – adopt a project management approach.
I prepared a ROI – return on investment. Thought how much energy and effort I need to invest into the relationship to make it work. Frankly, not much. K saw my bitchy side and liked me anyway. Additionally, he doesn’t have any features I want to change… even his dreadful taste for is music a reason for common jokes. When we spend more than a week together, we don’t fight. We can speak about stuff that bothers one or the other side. Once I even asked K – Dude why don’t you oppose my crazy ideas? Why should I when they are good? Simple as that. And that’s the point, things are simple and to the point with him.
The next step, as a good project manager would do, I gathered expectations. Very baldly I asked K what his expectations are in a relationship. I want to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated, was his reply. And what are yours Alice, K asked back. Well, I don’t want to be ignored and I need a proper shafting every now and then. That’s all. In the conversation we had I also mentioned something about SLAs for taking out the garbage and RACI matrix for housework. K looked at me like I’m an alien and the only thing he said was – Alice your job really messed up with your brain but OK.
After that memorable conversation it took me some time to make peace with myself. Finally somewhere around October 2022, I decided to give K a chance. I did struggle with thoughts because it’s not how I pictured my perfect guy. I pictured a tall, blond guy with a pinch of arrogance and macho attitude, K is the total opposite. Not very tall, dark hair, down to earth and on top of everything he’s an IT guy. Sounds boring as hell but he is everything but boring. Came to the conclusion that fuck hight because he’s decent, normal, responsive, active, supportive, likes to try out new food and travel to places he didn’t visit before. On top of everything he likes my crazy ideas and doesn’t complain when we have to get up at 7.00 am while being on holiday to go scuba diving. Here’s the point: he likes all the sports I like – scuba diving, skiing and wakeboarding – jackpot! There’s more, he’s even a bigger adrenaline junkie than I am, meaning all roller coasters in amusement parks are ours! The scarier an attraction looks, the more the both of us want to try it out. The beast of all however is that I can be myself, with my smoking, drinking, and swearing. I don’t need to pretend that I’m a princess who is looking forward to romantic walks on the beach during a sunset. Please my way of romance is more the direction oh let’s go parasailing during sunset 😀 Also just came to my mind, it feels so light if you don’t have to carry the mental luggage with you. Example, constantly thinking – my my what will he think about me or OMG he is not responding to me, did he ghost me? With K all those anxieties don’t exist… and that makes me feel so incredibly good. Maybe there is something in the saying that the guy should first be your friend before he becomes your boyfriend. Truth, is I like doing things with him and spending time with him. Actually, I presume that he knows how to handle me. Previously I heard from guys that I’m too intense, that I’m too loud, too much energy… apparently K knows exactly how to handle the fire.
Funny coz for more than a year I was saying to K – no relationship, forget it, find someone else who will be excited about being in a relationship. He remained patient and persistent. Looks like he took Master Yoda’s teachings seriously – patience my friend, another solution will present itself soon. Oh did I mention that K like Star Wars and Game of Thrones 😀
Anyway… every other guy would quit after being told off so many times. He didn’t and I’m glad he didn’t. I did behave my worst during that time but now I have lots of opportunities to make it up to him for being a bitch. Which is why in two weeks I’m flying over to Krakow to visit K for a long weekend. Geez in which world did I allow that to happen?! Maybe there is a happy end after all… let’s see.