Dating after 30

It’s my favorite topic as dating after 30 is multidimensional. Seriously! It’s not only awwwwww look at his beautiful eyes, but it’s experience focused. As after 30 you are more chilled out and self-confident not thinking that your boobs are too small you have fun out of dating. If the one appears by any chance even better.

Downsides of dating after 30

There is a high to very high possibility that you met your significant other in your mid 20’s. You dated for a couple of years, possibly even got married. Suddenly on one sunny Sunday morning the whole relationship went down the drain. Well, shit happens. After you get over the breakup you need to get back on the dating market… the only question is how to do it? You were in a long-term relationship and forgot how it feels like to go on a date. What’s more, you have no clue how to start dating again. In the past you met your dates at university or parties and now?! Meet someone at work? Ehem possible only nowadays we mostly work from home. So how? The best way is still gym, sauna, ski slopes, dive boats, holidays, language classes etc. There is also Tinder and all other dating apps. The tricky bit here is that spending let’s say seven years in a relationship you can feel lost in the new dating world. One of my friends who recently broke up with his girlfriend after a long period of time. He didn’t know what Tinder is and how to use it, he is also completely lost in the dating scene. He is a good and nice guy, maybe a bit old fashioned, so he will have it quite difficult to navigate around the dating market. Couple of hints in this matter.

1.     Recover

When you meet someone new after a breakup don’t ever think that the person you met will be your next long-term partner. No way in hell will this happen. Point is that we humans have the tendency to heal after a fresh breakup with a new relationship. That’s not a good starting point to a new relationship.

I need to find someone and be with that person regardless of anything because I got dumped. Very very bad approach. Look, a breakup doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Think about all those new possibilities 😉

2.     Figure out what you want

As Lucifer said in the popular Netflix TV series – now tell me, what do you truly desire? So?! What do you truly desire? Point is that in long term relationships we tend to forget about ourselves and our needs. We want to make the other person happy… mostly we sacrifice our own happiness for it. After a breakup it’s essential to take time and simply think. Think about all those things you desire 😉

3.     Experiment

Date for fun and not for the purpose of finding somebody for life. I know it’s nice to have a significant other but going on one date maybe even having sex with each other doesn’t mean that you end up in a long-term relationship. Just chill out will ya! Maybe after the first date you will figure out that you just found somebody who can be a good friend but not a partner. That is also a good thing. 

To not be empty worded I went through all those three points above. Yap, I tried to heal after a broken relationship with a new one… twice! That didn’t go very well. However, lessons learned and not going to happen for the third time. I did figure out what I truly desire. Answer is to have an interesting life filled with happiness and adventure. If Mr. Right appears fine if not also fine. Plus I finally know what my expectations are towards the next Mr.Right. Third point… hmmm be a bit patient, date examples will follow 😉

Another drawback about dating after 30 is the dating pool… it looks more or less like the pic below.

Yeah, selection is not great as most of the smart, good and handsome guys are already taken. Just like in an outlet store, the cool clothing pieces are already gone,

and you need to do a proper search to find something that looks good and fits you. There is always hope. Once I went on a date with a guy who was amazing. Smart, intelligent and good looking. The moment he mentioned “oh that’s exactly what Kerouac wrote in his novel” I gazed at him in disbelief. OMG, he knew who Kerouac was. Unbelievable as some guys who I went on a date with had no clue who J.K. Rowling is. Not to mention that they probably haven’t read a book in the past twelve months. Sadly, I haven’t met this guy again as he was only visiting Kraków. Damn! Is there a hint I can give you how to manage this situation? Not really. The only thing you can do is to keep searching and if a date doesn’t turn out the way you expected, don’t waste time and say – sorry mate that won’t work. As my friend Ann said, I kissed many frogs before I found the frog that turned into a prince.

Upsides of dating after 30

After reading the downsides you might think that dating after 30 resembles swimming in mud but, dating after 30 has many advantages!

1.     Got dumped… oh well

Remember the moment when you were in your 20’s and you got dumped? The world ended and it was the biggest tragedy ever.

When you get dumped in your 30’s you just think, oh well if not you then somebody else. This year I had two funny situations. Not that I was in a relationship but once a guy told me that he found someone else. Ahhhh fine. Maybe his eyes were sexy and green, but they definitely were not the only sexy green eyes in the world. Point is when you hear something like this in your 30’s you’re not bothered at all. It’s just another guy, nothing more. Mostly you will think in a situations like that – you didn’t deserve me in the first place asshole so why bother. Another situation is quite funny. I was on a date with a guy from Madrid. At some point he nervously started looking at his watch. Around 8 or 9 pm he said – sorry but I must go FC Barcelona is playing against Real Madrid. Seriously mate?! I started laughing as hell as this was something I didn’t expect. As I’m not a fan of FC Barcelona, I told him to go and cheer for Real Madrid. Good point is that Real Madrid has won… good for the guy 😀

What I mean is that in your 30’s you don’t take getting dumped personally and look at it more from a rational perspective. If someone is not a good match for you, why waste time.

2.     No more illusions

Two weeks ago I went for a massage and dinner with my friend DJS. She asked me, Alice, if you went back in time to your 20’s with what you know now,

would you still marry your now ex-husband? Definitely not, was my response. Thing is that in your 20’s when you meet someone, and the person has a feature you don’t like, you think that with time you can get used to it. What’s more, you think that with time and effort you can change someone, regardless men or women. Well, you can’t, that won’t work. In your 20’s when the person you are with is not changing you keep lying to yourself that at some point it will happen only if you try a bit harder. Eventually you end up being disappointed if that doesn’t happen. In your 30’s you don’t have those illusions anymore. If during a date or after a couple of dates you notice something you don’t like about your potential partner you don’t lie to yourself anymore. One of the guys I recently went on a date with told me that he doesn’t like cheese. Cheese stinks and is basically disgusting. Right… No! Although he was smart and cute, I can’t be bothered to convince someone about all the benefits cheese has. As I like to cook and use all possible ingredients a guy who doesn’t like cheese is off the list. Pity!

3.     Prejudice helps

Do you remember a scene from Sex and the City when Charlotte, Carrie and Burger sit in a restaurant and talk relationships? There is a dialogue that goes something like

Charlotte: I knew it’s going to be terrible. The guy brought me carnations. Bleh, those are filler flowers. 

Carrie: I would however throw away a guy for wearing docksiders or topsiders or any of the above.

Burger: So basically, guys are just fucked. 

I wouldn’t put it this way. It’s a matter of what behaviour drives a woman crazy or all the experience with previous dates she had. Prejudice or rather, no way I can’t tolerate that. If that still doesn’t make any sense to you, some real-life examples.

First: I went on a date with a French guy. Thought, hmmm probably good manners and somebody who can pick the wine for me. We went to a posh Chinese restaurant. The guy was smart and funny. On top of everything before covid he was traveling quite often to Asia for business. Good start I thought. Conversation was going well. I had a good time… until… the end of the dinner. He took the chopsticks and licked them off. That’s something you mustn’t do EVER!!! For someone who was traveling to Asia often, not knowing the basic rule of good table manners is a disqualifier. Never saw that guy again.

Second: Here I have the difficulty to choose one as both examples are hilarious. One guy was showing me pictures of his goat. He wanted to do something for the environment so he adopted a goat. I don’t mind doing something useful for the environment but showing pictures of your goat is a bit creepy. Another one was constantly talking about his ex-girlfriend. He was an Italian who moved to Kraków a couple of years back. Standard question – why did you move to Poland? Oh I met a girl… then she dumped me. Since that moment each sentence started from – my ex-girlfriend. Shouldn’t have asked that question but who could now. Hmmm, not sure what was worse? Looking at pictures of a goat or listening to ex-girlfriend stories. Tricky, very tricky.

Third: my absolute favourite one.  The guy moved to Kraków recently and there was one sentence he kept repeating during the whole date. Oh, my Mum has sent me this from back home. Oh, my Mum has sent me that from back home. OK, a mother’s boy… no thank you. Never saw that one again. Or wait I did! Last week in a bar, I pretended I didn’t know him. 

Told ya, dating after 30 can be fun. Sometimes you end up laughing your guts out and sometimes you open your eyes in disbelief. Thing is that after 30 you know yourself, you have more self-confidence and you don’t need to play those silly games anymore. Oh he didn’t text me after 24 hours, I’ll wait two more days. Yeah, no. No point in that. If you wanna reach out you reach out. What’s the worst thing that can happen? You will hear a NO. As an adult that went through some relationships and dates you are perfectly capable to accept a NO as an answer. Actually I can’t stop myself from thinking what my friend SK said. I like those initial stages of the relationship before you figure out how messed up they are. So true 😀 However, keep calm and carry on 🙂

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